Ch. 57 God Spoke To Me
To understand what God said to me, I need to give some background leading up to the words He said to me.
I considered myself to be an atheist from age 13 into my late 20s.
I was taking a philosophy course at university and the professor said, “The fact that you cannot see something is not proof that the thing does not exist.” (By the way, that is not a double-negative). I remember thinking when the professor said that it was like my argument against the existence of God was crumbling. I began to think, maybe it was possible that God did exist. But almost the instant I thought that I thought that if God did exist then he must be a very unfair God because he sacrificed his Son on the cross - - at the time I did not understand that Jesus is God in human flesh. Nobody ever explained or made it clear to me that Jesus is God.
I started a small business because I wanted to make a lot of money. The business was faltering and as a result, I was going through a hard time, and I was under a great deal of stress; it was more stress than I had ever experienced. One day while I was sitting in my office, I prayed that if you are real, God, then I would rather know you than become wealthy. But, again, I thought that if God did exist then he must be a very unfair God because he sacrificed his Son on the cross; I still did not know that Jesus was God in human flesh. As the days, weeks, and months past, I found myself thinking more and more about God, but I just could not get past the idea that God must be a very unfair God.
One day I drove my dad to the airport, and I felt the need to buy a Bible. I bought two Bibles at the airport gift shop. I began reading the Bible and I also started listening to a variety of Bible teachers on Christian radio.
As I read through the Bible, I came to Genesis 6:5
Genesis 6:5 Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
It is hard to describe how convicted I felt when I read that verse. I said to myself “That is me, the verse is describing me.” In effect, I admitted my sins. I know now that it was God the Holy Spirit convicting me of my sins. But, again, I immediately thought, how can I believe in such an unfair God who sacrificed his Son on the cross?
I continued to read through the Bible and listen to good teaching on Christian radio. As time passed, I felt more and more convicted of my sin; but at the same time, I felt trapped because I wanted to turn to God but could not; I was convinced he was infinitely unfair - - by sacrificing his Son on the cross. Jesus was a stumbling block to me, just as it says in the Bible:
1 Corinthians 1:23–24 23 but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness, 24 but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.
As each day went by, I tried not to think about my guilt but, I frequently thought about it.
Then on New Year’s Eve, I was driving home from my girlfriend’s house; I was hit by a drunk driver on the freeway. At that moment I thought “I am mortal and if I died that night I would have gone straight to hell”. Prior to that night, I wouldn’t have thought that I could feel my guilt due to my sin any stronger; but, after that accident my guilt was magnified ten times.
Every day after that night I was frequently thinking “I need God, but he is unfair; how can I worship such an unfair God?” I was experiencing a form of mental distress which drove me to read the Bible more. I wanted some kind of solution but, I simply could not accept what I thought was such an unfair God. By this time, I had finished reading the entire Bible.
Then it happened: God spoke to me. Now, that is quite a claim. When I say God spoke to me,
I need to explain what I mean. Many people have told me that God spoke to them and told them something;
but when I ask such people for details about how He spoke to them they very quickly say they didn’t
mean “
he spoke” to them; they usually explain that they only felt led to do something.
When I ask them to explain the phrase “
felt led to do something” they are at a loss for words;
some will say that all they really mean is that they felt a “peace about their decision” to do
something. So, they say God spoke to them but in fact, they didn’t mean God spoke to them. But I am
saying that God spoke to me. So, what do I mean when I say God spoke to me? I still remember exactly where
I was when it happened. One morning I was walking through a hallway at home just thinking about what I was
going to do that day. It was as though someone said something right behind me; so much so, that I turned
to see who was there and I was the only one there. The voice was like my voice in my mind, but it was not
my voice. I have never “heard voices” in my mind ever in my entire life, neither before nor
after that event.
So, what did God say to me? He said only two words:
“
I came”.
God instantly corrected my erroneous thinking. As soon as I understood Jesus Christ is God in human flesh,
I understood completely God’s plan of salvation. I realized that He gave Himself to pay for my sins.
Rather than being infinitely unfair, I realized God is infinitely gracious. I believe that was the moment
I was born-again. God took away my heart of stone and He gave me a heart of flesh.
My response to God was: ‘I believe, I believe everything” - - by that I meant I believed His claim that
He came
and everything I read in His word, the Bible.
I know this wasn’t me “solving” the dilemma I was in because what God did by dying on the cross was EXACTLY what no man would have come up with as a religion. All religions are simply a system where people think they can make themselves acceptable to God by doing good works; by doing more good works in their life than bad works. Christianity is not a religion; Christianity is a relationship with Jesus Christ. A true born-again believer trusts in only the work of Jesus Christ on the cross to pay for their sins; A true born-again believer does not trust in their own good works to make them acceptable to God.
When God spoke to me and said “I came” I instantly understood that Jesus Christ is God in human flesh; that is why whenever I explain the gospel of Jesus Christ to people, I always tell them the truth that Jesus Christ is God in human flesh.
One last thing I need to explain is the tone God used. He only spoke the two words: “I came”. But and this is hard to explain, it was as though a strong feeling came with His words. It was the feeling you would get if your parent shook their head and said “No, no, no, you don’t understand”; now, He did not say any of those words, it was merely a feeling that accompanied the two words He did say: “I came”.